Do you ever find yourself apologizing for feeling the way you feel? Or for expressing your sadness? For crying? I meet with women often, who have come to me to help them either cope with their stress so they can live with peace; help manage their hormones so they can live with balance; or help them release past hurts and resentments so they can live empowered, emotionally free lives. In most situations, these beautiful souls are meeting with me because life seems out of balance and they need a little extra help to navigate through it. Inevitably, during our first meeting, as we are sharing and I am determining how to best serve their needs, their hearts start to open. They see a glimmer of hope or experience a moment of despair for the situation in which they live. Whatever the case, it is natural to shed a tear or two. One of the most consistent things I hear is women apologizing for the way they feel. They feel like they should be stronger or more put together. They have been sent the message that expression of emotions is weak and “feminine”. There is a constant stream of, “I’m sorry”, “I’m being silly”, “I shouldn’t be crying”, “I can’t believe I can’t handle this”, and “I should be stronger”.
Up until about seven years ago, I lived much of my life hiding my feelings, not letting anyone know I was moved to tears, and embarrassed at what was being generated within me. I was not confident and comfortable within myself and with my emotions to allow myself to express them. When I look back at the countless opportunities in life that I had to express my true feelings of joy, sadness, anger, overwhelming happiness…but didn’t….I think about how much more I could have felt within my soul and enjoyed the human and spiritual experience if that side of me had been nurtured.
Why do we apologize for our emotions and minimize the wonderful gift of humanity that exists within us? Why do some individuals value being disconnected and “all business” over being in touch with emotions and connecting at a deeper level with others? Why do we stifle our feelings in fear of others viewing us as weak? Why do we view crying as weakness? Society equates strength with being able to suppress emotions and weakness as any display of true emotion.
Our feelings and emotions are real. They are powerful. They allow us to connect to ourselves, connect to others, and tap into glorious compassion and love for others. They allow us to determine for ourselves, what feels good and what doesn’t; thereby allowing us to step away from non-nourishing and toxic experiences and step toward loving and nourishing experiences.
The world is not lacking individuals who walk through their days like robots, disconnected from any real emotions. The world needs more people owning their emotions and feelings, expressing, sharing, loving, and reaching out to others. The world needs more people who are comfortable with being emotionally affected and vulnerable when they experience or witness an injustice to the human condition. All anyone really wants is to feel connected, and on some level, to know they are not alone.
Women need to embrace their femininity and own it. We have a soft side, yes!! We are nurturers. We experience sadness. We experience joy. We have good days and bad days. We have lived through things no one will ever know about, and we have persevered. We have moved on with smiles on our faces, and we continue to do the best we can. And that’s enough. Strong, emotional women need others in their lives who are supportive and loving as well. Men who are in touch with their feelings and are comfortable with being vulnerable are the strongest men I know.
I sat with a beautiful woman just the other day who kept apologizing for the tears she was shedding for many years of heartache and hopelessness. I asked her first and foremost to honor herself and honor her feelings. Rather than fighting them, I suggested she acknowledge them as part of her process for moving forward. I asked her to realize how powerful her tears were and how courageous she was for being vulnerable enough to express them.
Women, embrace your femininity and embrace your soft side. If you feel it, it is a part of you. It is who you are. And no amount of suppressing your feminine side or our emotions will make you stronger or more powerful. You end up denying your authentic self and living an unfulfilled life. Own your feelings. Honor your feelings. Honor who you are and where you are. Reclaim your personal power by speaking your truth and living your truth. It begins with one step. Become aware of your thoughts and your speech. The next time you find yourself apologizing for your feelings or thinking you are weak for having them, stop right there. Take a step back. Observe your patterns of thought, and then make the conscious choice to honor your feelings instead.