Shift Your Perspective for Self Healing

Just the other day, I was reflecting on the changes I have experienced over the past several years. I reflected on the fateful day when I learned my husband was no longer interested in me or being married to me. I moved through the movie reels of what transpired over the months, as I blamed myself and started to mold myself into what I thought he wanted. I remembered the changes I made at home, catering to what I thought he wanted, working to make myself better, prettier, thinner, and more desirable. Every night I went to sleep crying, feeling like his announcement was somehow a call to action for me to change who I was. I remember the pain and anguish I felt in the pit of my stomach as I realized I was not being true to myself but feeling like I needed to do it for my children.

As the weeks passed, I picked up a book called The 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse. by Debbie Ford. I started the cleanse on day one as a broken, insecure victim. As I worked through the days, I did every single exercise, visualization, meditation, and affirmation that was outlined. By day 21, I emerged a stronger and more confident me. However, I still struggled logistically with what was happening to me and with how to male it “OK.”

I will always remember a conversation I had with Davidji, Vedic Master and Author of Secrets of Meditation. I was having difficulty reconciling my husband’s actions in a way that would facilitate my spiritual evolution. I had been through the anger, venting and crying. But I knew I needed to get myself completely out of victim mode in order to evolve and move forward in the healthiest of ways. I looked to Davidji for some spiritual guidance, He shared insight of how many men are distracted by shiny objects, whether it be other women, big fast cars, etc. They see it, and they can’t help but go toward it, not thinking of the consequences to those around them. It is kind of like a Barracuda in the ocean that goes after any shiny objects it sees. Davidji also cautioned me to not judge the shiny object, because one day I might be that shiny object. But what came next, at that particular moment in time, changed completely, how I chose to view the inevitable ending of my marriage. And it IS a choice. Davidji asked me if I had ever changed my mind about anything. Well of course I had. He then offered to me what seems like the simplest of all concepts. He said that if I chose to think of it as my husband simply changed his mind, that maybe that would help me make the shift into a more positive frame of mind. My husband leaving had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I must have been open and ready to hear those words, because as soon as I heard them, a heavy weight that had been suffocating me for months suddenly lifted. I was no longer the victim. My husband’s actions had nothing to do with me. Prior to that day, when people asked me about my marriage, I used to reply in a victim sort of way,” My husband left me,”. After that day, my response became an empowered, accepting and forgiving ,” My husband changed his mind about wanting to be married and gave me the gift to create the life I want for myself.” Just the simple change of words that I fed to my mind, body and spirit, transformed my life and allowed me to eventually heal from a devastating life event. No longer the victim, now an empowered woman who is ready to tackle the world.

Are you holding onto an “injustice” that was done “to you?” I encourage you to pick just one and see if you can shift your perspective to view the other person’s actions as something that had nothing to do with you and everything to do with where that person is in his or her life. Sometimes friends or family change their minds. Or they make decisions without thinking of the consequences to others. Sometimes, the choices others make are a direct result of them not having the tools or the modeling in life to make a choice that is nourishing to them and those around them. Whatever it is, extend a little peace to them (because that is truly what they need), then extend compassion to yourself and give yourself permission to get out of victim mode. Every person we meet, every situation we encounter, and every experience that we have is meant to teach us and help us grow. When we are in the middle of it, it can be hard to see where it is taking us. When it feels chaotic and turbulent, it just means that you are still in the middle of it. Stay the path. Keep moving forward. But carry with you, the faith that everything happens for a reason, and you will grow tremendously from it if you allow it. A simple shift in how you look at things can make all the difference in how your body, mind, and spirit assimilate the experience.

Empower yourself. Heal yourself. Transform your mind and transform your life!